Consuming Loneliness

How do we define loneliness without making an assumption of being happy?
Is it the extraordinary despair that takes over us?
Or the feeling that we would lose our minds any moment now?
Loneliness is defined with the idea of consumption
When despair consumes your light and there is no place to run,
When we move towards the darkness willingly without consideration of the sun,
It is then loneliness consumes us
It is then there is no way out

– Nishtha Pandey

Search For The Shore

What is this exhaustion?
Desperation for love and more
Calling out to random strangers
Asking to be my lover and so
What is this perpetual sadness?
Masquerading feeling that are true
Showing off the false glamour
All so I could be accepted a little through
Why have I turned into a ghost?
Falling from one failure to another
Why can’t I wander on my own
With no one to hold me back and frown
When did all the tables turn
Leaving me out on my own
Why did the lust for sea grow so much
That I refused to believe in my soul anymore
All the while I blamed others
Destiny, lovers and cold
When the real villain was me all the while
And I sold my soul in search for the shore

– Nishtha Pandey

Forbidden Love

We fall in love with the forbidden ones,
Why I can never fathom,
We resort to make believe,
And lose everything we can gather

Search for perfection and shadows of fantasies
A folly we chose to live in,
With experience of many untouched at our disposal
Wilderness begins to set in

It was uncanny, to come across a person like you,
but our paths crossed and the world seemed better for a few hours.
Happiness is short lived, so they say,
I am starting to believe it now.

What is happiness?
I always wondered.
Is it because of the rush we find in doing things, we shouldn’t?
Or because we find a reason to make believe and end mundane living?

Faith pondered upon these questions,
Answers never to be found
And somehow the temporary happiness makes me happy for now
Forbidden love to go on until we get caught

Questions and Heartbreak

I wonder, how many times it might have been
To be cried without being seen
A thirst quenched yet
A tear let out, subtle
Somewhere it may seem

Like we were meant to be
Why does it have to end then?
Why does it have to hurt?
Have I chose this life on purpose?
Or have the I chose to simply exist on surface?
With questions just as many
Would the limited answers suffice?
Will this be another heartbreak?
Or will we survive?

It was only until for a while,
A couple of hours of togetherness,
Expectations weighed heavier on one end,
And everything began to fail
The questions were answered in a matter of hours
Scared from love, he devoured
The answer was Goodbye, an easy way out
There lies another heartbreak
And days of left out.

Working on Saturdays

She liked working on Saturdays
The silence had a different charm under those lights
No gossiping near the water cooler
Long cigarette breaks and everything would seem all right
A few souls here and there would cross her way
Some on the floor, some would walk past her or sway
Some she knew by the face, others, she can’t really say
Saturdays would feel like a slow mundane world in another paradise she would like to be
While others cursed the day and waited to get home
She spent the day in her cubicle making new friends of wandering ghosts

– Nishtha Pandey

Stolen Thoughts of Many Lies

There is nothing I would do to eradicate my anxiety
Only when the cold winds rise, shall my sprite rise
There is nothing I would do to make it all right
Only when we speak of togetherness we realize why we urge for lies
Somehow we find solitude, inĀ bickeringĀ about ourselves
The more, the merrier we find
Where we make our souls whole and assume it is complete
But all we really do is cloak reality in disguise
– Nishtha Pandey