Validating Relationships

Yesterday, this guy I have been dating for almost a month now, put up a picture we clicked on the second date as his Whatsapp display picture. Although I thought it was a bad picture and I looked horribly un-edited, I was touched by his gesture. Within 24 hours, the picture has changed and so has my idea of this relationship. Now, he made it evidently clear that he is not the “textbook relationship” person, but then again why am I keeping expectations from him about the perfect relationship?

Amidst the heat wave of Indian summer and Everyday People playing on my phone, I found myself wondering – What is the perfect relationship?

Is it the one where people go all mushy-mushy over each other? Where you can always find them in pairs in any picture, post, tweet, party or hoarding? Or is it that relationship where people don’t really care whether or not you are a couple on social media but actually spend time together?

Have we really become the generation that needs social media and corny affectionate PDA’s to validate our relationships?

I have known people that are always Facebooking their dates and letting people know how much they are in love and in complete utter honesty, I have always dissed them. But that’s not what dauntingly haunts me. What has caught me by surprise, have I become one of those people that needs social media and corny PDA’s to validate my relationship?

When we met, this guy and I, it was one of those perfect first dates, no nervousness about looking perfect, in fact we met after work, so we both were pretty retarded at the end of the day. Yet, it was amazing. We sat on the beach for hours and hours, talking about nothing but everything random. There was cigarettes, the beach and us. That day would go down in the history as the Best First Date Ever. The second date too was a grand gesture. By the third date, I was already head over heels for this guy.

I have not met a man in a while that I went out with for a consistent month. My relationships lasted a day and I adored the freedom I got from it. But with this guy, I am looking at the whole nine yards. The idea haunts me.

Has the idea of a relationship with the perfect guy could be any more validating to my ideas of perfection? I think about it, but I find myself in a confusing place. By now the song has changed to Comes & Goes in Waves by Greg Laswell and I am still over-thinking this whole thing.

What will it take to make me more secure about this relationship? Will it be the polite but grand gestures he made when we met? Or will it be the numerous PDA we would forcibly do because it would make me happy?

What will it really take to validate our relationship?

I really like this guy, but does one really need to have a picture perfect relationship album on their Facebook page to be in love? Or is that just an added advantage?

I guess out of all the men I have been with, I have particular enjoyed the moments that are captured nowhere except for in my memories, but sometimes, it is nice to be flaunted around.

It certainly feels like you are worth it. Until then, we will always have memories and cigarettes.


The Battle of Wrongful Rights

I never really understood what the big deal is with women smoking. I know for a fact that it is a major killing factor in the otherwise ‘can be led’ healthier lifestyle. But why do people look down on women smokers like some bad, filthy object that can be easily be bedded but cannot smoke? For over such a long time into my adolescence and working age I have seen so many men and women turn around and give a dirty look to the women who smoke, be it in groups or all alone on the streets.

These women are often signed, sealed and delivered in following categories due to stereotypical thinking:

  • ‘Oh poor girl, she must be going through a bad break up/work crisis/family problem/whatever’ – This category is what I like to call – Fake Pity The Perfectly Sane People.
  • The second is even more adequate and easier for people of a certain age and mentality to fit in the women smokers into i.e. ‘Have Absolutely No Morals Kinda Girls’ and their favorite dialogue – “Deko kya sikhaya hai maa baap ne! Chi” (Look! What their parents have thought them. Eww!)
  • And the third and the most disgusting category a woman smoker can be fitted into is (no drum rolls please!) – “The She’ll Fuck With Anyone Kinda Girl!” People, no matter where I go, no matter how much they or their ambience drips of class will always have one particular thought in mind when they see a girl smoking – “Oh my god! She smokes! She’ll sleep with anyone I tell you!”.

But why am I suddenly addressing this issue on my barely active blog?

Well, the other day I was watching my favorite sitcom ‘Sex and The City’ (and mind you that series is not JUST about sex!) and there it was, the perfectly cute guy dumping the perfect girl over a mere issue of smoking. It made me wonder, is smoking the real deal breaker?

I always thought real attractions accepted the other person however he/she might be. So why is that a man can smoke in bed after a passionate session of love making and enjoy it as ‘Victory Cigarette’ but if the woman does the same she is considered to be obscene? Men often ask women who smoke on regular basis to give it up. Why is it that men cannot do the same and consider the same as an offence if faced with a similar situation by their women?

I was recently asked to tame down my smoking demon just for the day by a guy I really like to which I got really baffled up and the whole conversation turned into an argument. Is it that hard to accept someone who is slaved to a habit by choice? Or is it that I really had a chance at making a connection that could last longer than my cigarette, killing me in other ways but I let go of it?

Maybe my life will to have to walk the path same as Carrie Bradshaw, flushing down the demons in the toilet for good or going back to new ones waiting in my bag right now. The choice is tough.